My exes got illnesses It's a miracle I found myself free I mean immuned I watch these diseases take over their life in so many forms Addiction, gambling, abuse, mental health I'm surprised they didn't stay Somehow I feel guilt Guilt kept me home all those years Claiming it was one Castle walls surrounded my relationships My heart Laid out like a meal Devour it It'll cure your sickness Love doesnt cure It enables At least what I was serving Lying in my own blood No more transfusions No life support This system crashed The day it got bugged with these airborne attacks On my soul Clinging to a warm body That was their survival Draining fluids until its dry, dead, lifeless Mere mortal I wanna be free Love is a battlefield I keep getting slashed Bandaids arent big enough I want to be there for my loved ones No matter how much they bury me Resurrect me when the moon is full Energy vampires I can't mourn myself They dont either Saving them Privately Me I make front page It's fine it's better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all

I measure my lifetime by the partners I was with Thats how I count my senility Even when I'm raging mad Her face is beautiful too precious like porcelain to tarnish with a mark or bruise Working in this negative space trying to love I don't know what healthy looks like I've been shown toxicity for generations Groomed to be the most hardened of hearts Fuck cold Its brick One by one they've molded themselves Into rock Volcanic tempers flare Flesh and bones from sticks and stones turn to ash The tongue isn't the only sword The emotional push and pull Aquarius Air sign shit allows my partners to waiver, fester, crumble All the while painted narcissist, Them foolish, not clown More like jester that dances to the beat of my every demand Expectations are sky high the price of my love Costs more than dollars it costs your soul The only ties I know how to mend But also cut Umbilical cords to their Oedipus complex Milf status That's the allure yet the masculinity rules their femininity even when they don't know it exists in them I sense it More like yearn for it Since I'm Scorpion levels of emotionless Something about the nature of a nurturing being can feel like bear hugs Broken Clocks We on a time limit I can't commit to anything longer than 2 years without looking for a way out Claustrophobic I feel the walls caving in whatever warmth they put in my belly turns to fear then paranoia How fucked up does it have to get before they abandon me nah fuck that we jump ship first Sacrifice yourself now to go back to Numb later this love shit is contagious and I don't wanna get sick because I'm the only healer that can heal me Paint me again as monster , demon, evil better than being angel, savior, butterfly

I ain't shit My mantra everyday I keep beating myself up Not physically, but mentally , Spiritually Had enough ppl put hands on me Inappropriately My mom not understanding my lack of self worth I keep my truths hidden from her To spare the rod so she can't coddle her child Out of the pain I'm embarrassed Dont want her to blame herself Like I blame myself I ain't shit I deserved it Men would say they love me But only for my body Used and abused Raped I view sex as power Control over my partners bodies Because I'm fearful they will try to possess mine Sexualization Trauma shows up in the middle of sexy time So you fight thru it Bare down, close your eyes Try to moan Remembering you were told to keep quiet Flashbacks flood over me My partners feel a way because I'm in denial They cant swim in my pussy Its dry Foreplay doesnt work I hate fingers My uncle loved to use his Triggered again I ain't shit Why is your pussy broken Idk ask the many who snuck in and attacked it at sunset I've always slept with the light on Where was my Angel's when I called on them I ain't shit My ex asked me why the darkness was my playground Maybe it's the only place I didnt feel safe But embraced Thinking it was all that surrounded me So I turned into a chameleon To blend in with the walls that haunt me Traces of all the men who hurt my body I could never trust anyone I hurt myself They call it self-sabotage At least if I can control the pain I can heal faster I ain't shit Realizing I need to love me It's difficult The guilt, the shame, Disgusting Why you so nasty? You don't want me to be a freak baby? My sexual awareness was forced to be heightened so I try new acrobatics To see if it feels better To lay down with them Instead of being forced I choose my engagements As a defense mechanism I ain't shit

Gift of Gab God’s Plan The natural ability to unapologetically tell my truths My journey No matter how ugly Light shines through Padded walls, encased Protect me from imposters The syndrome I suffer from Ancestors like bruh Whispering encouragement through the leaves of our roots Words are spells Generational curses Cursing everyday to declare my own testimony Gospel Welcome to my congregation Where my pen draws out all my traumas No need to pull me into the pulpit I pen my own liberation To help my brothers and sisters heal Yeah it’s written Destined God’s Gift One of the greatest blessings on Earf

My people can't protect my secrets I tell on myself Intentionally Can't no one tell my truths but me Let you tell it I'm generic But you trying to find my substitute Temporary fixes only create further permanent damage When two people get together out of spite despite their efforts they spite themselves with the same spit they lounged at you People believe what they want when they're committed to misunderstanding something or someone But I aint just anyone I see through the defense mechanisms Thats why they malfunction around me I be knowing they can't really face themselves so they project their emotions and opinions onto others To protect themselves And then turn around As though you the issue or they the victim Two face shit Someone wake me up Can't be this many ppl sleep How you telling me my wants needs and dreams I'm a star The sun shines brightly on all of us But you know how the full moon come full circle I'm the center No need to hide resources I provide reservoirs That mean I'm a natural body of water Nourishing sincere souls Who feel like me In a cold world Winter baby I'm used to being brick Built brick by brick Dodging bricks because Shady ones love seeing you shiver

Social media apps Got us losing reality Didn't subscribe to desensitization, confusion, fake news and all these comments How do I cancel it Before it cancels me I thought this was a tool Instead I'm being drilled Picked at and screwed Over my thoughts, images and my image When did this become high school Snubbed for prom queen the snob always wins Subbed in statuses I remember the bathroom stalls marked up Now its bodies Not like the subway in Harlem Actually bodies Wanna be barb and join a team I still have PTSD Watching George Floyds death changed me Triggered me How many triggers can be pulled without having to count the bullets Breona can't tell us The neighbors wall speaks louder than her voice Another black human silenced In the dead of night Protect Black Women is a hashtag We are conditioned to put a pound sign On tradegies Maybe it should be a stop sign Bright red so it can be read and not just seen But we read ppl for filth Full of negativity Questioning myself My vibration is low Too slow to tap tap tap in on the bigger picture Waves of hate can penetrate Even the deepest of waters With a .30 sec soundbite Click, then debate It's faster than a chamber Why aren't these monitored ? Yo yo How long is a FB jail sentence anyway? Is this reality Or a social experiment A play of sorts where you can be whatever character while being judged on your character I hate it in this world I lucid dream often Traveling vividly Opening portals That allow me to feel safe Where accountability and evolution meet The dark web doesn't lurk here It's too busy trafficking children and women In this realm I'm surrounded by my own shadows We don't play games we go hard at work To build capes so big made of Teflon No cap, shells would bounce off No puncture wounds or sharpened tongues could pierce me I'd be at peace instead of overthinking about content I'd be content with self My emotions couldn't be altered by the pretentious constructs of how to live, be and breathe Competition and comparisons Creates division Common denominator Calling ppl out Instead of calling them in DMS replaces conversations No need to be direct No desire to hit someone's line People arguing blogging Gossiping, rumors Unhealthy Consumption Adopting treads that lose weight Momentum dies Not like suicidal thoughts Constant battle Turmoil From turning to a device Addicted its a vice That releases hormones that causes the body to react in pleasure Twitter fingers racing like heartbeats Perpetuating ideologies of a system set up to destroy confidence and feelings And guess what ? Guess what It all comes at a price You can't buy self esteem From an Ad or App But if you show ID you can be verified Blue check marks is your validation Unlocking ID All of us have super egos We gotta keep our egos balanced Take breaks and fast Social media

Sitting in front of a church Listening to my sons father ramble on About how he wants to be close to our son His father too busy chasing rainbow skies Tells me everytime he touches a cloud How euphoric Sends me in a downward spiral Why when he reaches for heaven I fall deeper into hell Grasping at straws Him grasping at needles We both are in the haystack Working against one another But dealing with the same demon ADDICTION Mine to his inability to get clean His to me , somewhat savior Angel For it was God that night that woke me up with a headache A pain minut to your lifeless breathing Pale ran over you like new skin Blue lights matched the blue lips forming in front of my eyes Sketched out on the sketcher The kids asleep how they sleep so soundly God again You called me an angel when the hospital summoned me Said I saved your life and now I was going to leave Guilt I watched my mom battle this demon and yet it finds me in another reincarnation of someone I love Same day im learning of your death Waiting for the world to mourn It became Astro 8 more people died I waited for the world to tip Spin on its opposite axis So everyone would fall silent Stop For a moment Instead people kept posting Pictures of themselves Their lives that clearly don't feel your impacted Your impact Energy doesn't die My heart feels as if it doesn't sit still Or right Above my chest cavity Because you took it with you My body feels weak Numbness seeps in slowly As if I'm being injected Triggering myself because that's how you left Alone For days Cornorer couldn't care about approximately Just put the date they found you Lifeless Shock hit first Denying the news thru tears That flooded my car seat Made the steering wheel slick Thoughts of leaving came over me I thought about our son How can I take away his entire universe Because my rising moon brought darkness How can you leave us in the realm I know you're at peace But we're in pieces The narrative isn't making them stick People speaking in tongues And keyboards Typing out what transpired When they couldn't be more farther from the truth Remember this someone's father This sickness runs rampaid Faster than a virus It injects its people with toxicity Negative speeches spoken in demon Drawing them away from their community To isolate and take over And we walk by them everyday Mothers Father's care givers Kids Telling them they're disgusting for choosing to be sick But there's no cure Its an hour a day Not just a day at a time We don't know if they'll make it thru the night And we deem them zombies living on methadone mile No empathy Walk a mile in their shoes You might not survive putting them on Because its a disease Those with college degrees No one chooses to wake up and be an addict

Said I'm movin', movin' on, Said I'm movin', movin' on Said I'm movin', movin' on, Said I'm movin', movin' on I say, Everyday, you call me pretty Na Na Wanna travel round wit me Na Na But you didn't think today I'd leave you in the city Said I'm movin', movin' on, Said I'm movin', movin' on Said I'm movin', movin' on, Said I'm movin', movin' on Unbothered, don't bother me Spirit unaligned, I had to leave But don't you see what karma do It come back around best believe Said I'm movin', movin' on, Said I'm movin', movin' on Said I'm movin', movin' on, Said I'm movin', movin' on I said, You tired of somebody not respecting your boundaries and they blatantly disrespecting It's time to move on You tired of being left alone bearing all the weight holding onto potential and not actuality Please move on We need to release no longer what serves us Serving looks and melanin It's time to move on Said I'm movin', movin' on, Said I'm movin', movin' on Said I'm movin', movin' on, Said I'm movin', movin' on Yeah that's it, that's the one